Islam Blog

The following is a transcript of a lecture given by Tawfique Chowdhury on the topic ‘Once we were Men.’ The speaker talks about the importance of ‘true men’ and how valuable they are for any nation. Especially the Muslim Ummah. I’ve divided it in to 3 parts for ease in reading.

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If you truly wish to be a man, if you truly wish to have value in life, then you must have strength of eeman and strength of character. You must not be from those people who are easily taken away by the distractions of this world. Like I said, we have 500 million men. If these men became real men, this world would be a nice, safe and ideal place to live in.

Greatness cannot be achieved by setting up false standards of manhood. Beauty is not a sign of manhood. Physical strength is not a sign of manhood. Anger is not a sign of manhood, rather controlling it is a sign of manhood. Good character is a sign of manhood, bad character is a sign of a weak person.

How do we raise our children to be true men? Our time has come and perhaps it is passing, but let’s take this chance to raise our children upon true manhood and making sure that they become the true men that we could not be.

First, Prophet Muhammad had something very beautiful. He used to call little children by their kunyah. He wouldn’t call them by their first names. An example of this is when the Prophet came to Omair who had a little bird, which was being naughty, trying to fly away. And a little bird in arabic is called Nughayr. the Prophet said, ‘Ya Aba Omair, maa fa’alannughayr?’ What did he call him? He called him ‘Aba Omair.’ In another narration, the Prophet was presented with a beautiful piece of clothing as a gift. He said bring Umm Kulthum here. Do you know who she was? ‘She was a small baby of one of the companions. And what did the Prophet call this new born child? Umm Kulthum, meaning ‘Mother of Kulthum.’ Do you see how it changes the psychology of a child when you call them ‘father of someone.’ Try it with your little brother. He’ll be surprised on being called a father. But it makes them feel older and more responsible.

Second, by respecting their rights and by giving them responsibilities. How many times do we see a child in the first row in salah. He bothered to take the time out to be in the first row and we see people coming and telling the children to go back. How do you think this little child is feeling? Rather you respect the children’s rights and you will see them having respect for themselves and having this manhood. In a hadeeth in Bukhari, it is narrated that the Prophet was given goat’s milk. He drank some of it and then he saw there were two people. To his right was a young boy and to his left was an old man. So he asked the little boy, Oh so and so, do you permit me to give this milk to the old man? And this young boy said, ‘No ya Rasoolallah!’ and so the Prophet smiled and he gave the milk to the young boy. Now what example does this set? The little boy is going to grow up respecting the rights of others.

Third, is to tell them the stories of the heroes of Islam, the salaf. How they were true men. How they did not need to prove their manhood by becoming effeminate. For example, the men wearing tight clothes, and also removing their beards, making is smoother than a baby’s back. Is this manhood?

Fourth, is to toughen your kid up. He is the apple of your eye. However, if you are a wise parent, you know that the world outside is not as nice and comforting as you are. Don’t surround them with luxuries, like the most beautiful of beds and softest of pillows and new clothes. The child is going to grow up thinking this life is a bed of roses and everything will be easy. But this is not the reality. And it is for this reason that Umar (ra) used to say, teach your children horse riding, archery, swimming, and poetry. When you’re swimming it gives you confidence, when you’re riding a horse, you’re controlling an animal that is bigger than you. We’re talking about how to build character here.

Fifth, is to teach them manners. And the best way is for you to be an example for them. How do you wish for your child to be man when you’re not a man yourself.

I ask Allah to bring back this true manhood to the Ummah just as he had bestowed this upon the companions of Prophet Muhammad and those after him. We ask Allah to make the 500 million men of this Ummah realize their potential, ability, and strength. And we ask Allah to bless this Ummah and to make it shine, as it shone before.

Allah knows best.